Weight Loss jokes
Why can't lesbians wear makeup while on a diet?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig while Mary Kay is sitting on their face.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams?
She died.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!
Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?
I keep getting ads about belly fat.
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.