Weight Loss

Weight Loss Jokes

Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

Diet

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

Fat

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.

Mother

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Coffin

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

Makeup

Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?

Aunt

Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.

Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.

Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.

Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.