We jokes

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...

Wait, where are we again?

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.

One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,

"We will give you a replacement!"

Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

What did the Twin Towers say to each other?

Sorry if that offended anyone.

“I guess we are going down together!”

*Titanic was sinking.*

Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?

Captain: Two miles.

Passenger: Which way are we going?

Captain: Down.

We better stop telling orphan jokes because their parents will get mad. Oh... wait... never mind.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

I started a band called 1023 megabytes. We still haven't gotten a gig.

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.