We jokes

"We can't go over it, we can't go under it. Oh no, we'll have to go through it!"

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"

freshfry, we need to talk now...

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

Hey, this is to orphans:

"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"

Yo mama so fat, when she walked in the room, we missed three seasons of our show!

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?

We were both caused by broken rubber.

"Alex! We need to talk! Now!"

Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

A: Because all shows and movies have a cast.

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.