We jokes

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?

"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit!"

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.

What do we want? A cure for obesity.

When do we want it? After lunch.

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.

Did you know the F in orphan stands for family... Oh wait, haha.

We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell their parents... Oh, continue.

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

I don't know why we have to make jokes about this, it's already a joke.

Knock knock.

Who is there?

WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!

Arabs: WHO PUT THAT TOWER THERE... we must destroy it!