water's jokes
What is the opposite of salt water?
Pepper water.
Have you ever had African water??
Neither have they.
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?
What does a glass of water ask a pond?
"Water you doing?"
What does the pond answer?
"Pondering life."
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
Do you want to go to the pool?
Yes? Well, water you waiting for?
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.