They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
If a homeschooled kid kills his parents, is it considered a school shooting?
Why did the school shooter earn extra points?
Because he was on a kill streak.
Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have no balls, neither will you. 🔪🔪
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Who are the best at bowling?
Terrorists, they always throw strikes.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
Why'd my grandpa fall over?
'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.
That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.
