Violence jokes

They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.

Bligitty blot, bliggity blit,

You better not be talkin' shit. 🔫

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."

"If you got a question, just shoot!"

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

Americans: Miles per hour.

Europeans: Bullets per kid...

What do you call Helen Keller after she killed 10 people?

Helen Killer.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

I killed a man in '94.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

School shooting: Happens.

Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.

American Student: "First time?"

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?

The Western Front is domestic violence.

What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a javelin through her neck.