US jokes
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?
A: Use dental floss.
Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.
Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.
Use the roast I put of flat earth.
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.
Memes
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
I used to think 11/11 was mistakenly 9/11.
Osama be like: "Fuck boys, runway is full, better use this tower!"
Why did the first boob say to the 2nd boob: "Between us, I have to take a tit."
"Among Us" tea water.
Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.
Ya know, genders are kind of like the Twin Towers.
There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a touchy subject.
"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."
I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.
Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”
Shame on you, Pessi!
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
What what's the cloud private place to go? Among us, cows.
"Say, Tenya, I heard you say that you hate Gwen. Will [you] join us!"
I used to know a guy from a nudist colony.
Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on him!
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!