United States jokes
My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
Why are Americans such good marksmen?
Because they had plenty of schools to practice their shooting.
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
New York Jets.
The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.
The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."
One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.
Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."
"I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers.
Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
Wanna hear a racist joke?...
Donald Trump.
Like if you're voting Trump 2024! WOOOOO!
Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.
There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik’s cubes?
Because they have a history of separating colors.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.