Twos jokes
Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."
Q: If there were two moo cows walking down the street, where would they be going?
A: Home to see their mama!
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
What are two things orphans can’t have?
Parents.
Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭
Memes
I was rolling dice online and this is the first two I get (again)
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?
The Twin Towers.
What did Osama have?
Two Boeings and a dream.
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
If I had two nickels every time PETA parodied a game, I'd have 14.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
What do you call two emos spending time together?
Hanging out.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.