Twos jokes
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.
Memes
I guess bro wants our birth rate to turn into a perpendicular line. BP in a nutshell.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash? They already lost two towers.
Why is America bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost two towers.
Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Two antennas got married. The ceremony dragged on, but the reception was excellent.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Two (DYM 112)
Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."
Q: If there were two moo cows walking down the street, where would they be going?
A: Home to see their mama!
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
What are two things orphans can’t have?
Parents.