Twos jokes
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
What do you call two emos spending time together?
Hanging out.
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Memes
It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭
What did Osama have?
Two Boeings and a dream.
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?
The Twin Towers.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
Q: If there were two moo cows walking down the street, where would they be going?
A: Home to see their mama!
What are two things orphans can’t have?
Parents.
I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."
Two (DYM 112)