Twos jokes

Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?

My Chemical Romance.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

Two urchins, L. H. A. B.

Two Timetravers walk into a bar...

...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."

Two cows in a field.

One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"

The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?

Noise!

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver!

What two fights can Africa never win?

A food fight and a water fight.

You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.

This is two heads.

Deaf. "Deep water." ""

- "78 years."

Are you interested again? ""

"If you go ... you are there."

"No. 85 is good."

What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.

Are you interested in it?

More than two boot branches.

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."