Twos jokes
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
Why can’t you private text someone in a community?
Because a community has more than two people.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
Memes
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Why is the US so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.
Why does America suck at chess? Because they already lost their two towers.
A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
I threw a boomerang two years ago... I live in constant fear.
I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."
I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
What's 9 divided by 11?
Well, I know it's less than two alright!
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby? Because two "Wong's" don't make a white.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a "Mic check, one-two."
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"