Twos jokes

What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.

What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.

Two pencils walking down the street.

Which one hasn’t got AIDS?

The one with the rubber on.

What do you call a pig with two legs? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...

Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"

What happened when two invisible giants knocked over their blocks?

9/11.

9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans. They knocked down two towers, not three.

Why is America so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.

Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they have already lost two towers.

What do you call two Mexicans playing 1v1 basketball?

One on one! Just think about it. It makes sense.

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

Why can't two Chinese make a white baby?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.

What’s the difference between my mom and the Twin Towers?

My mom got hit by two cars. The Twin Towers got hit by two planes.

What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?

A different sized elephant.

What are two things you could call a fart?

"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"