Twos jokes
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)
Memes
What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What do you call a fish with two knees?
Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.
Why can't two Asians have a white baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
Normally I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it’s two plane.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."