Twos jokes
Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Why are Americans bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
Memes
Two hotdogs are walking across the street. One is walking slow. What does the 2nd one say?
"Ketchup!"
I guess in British chess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without two towers.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!
What do you call a cow who walks on two legs?
Lean beef.
It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.
Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...
What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?
S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
Because they'll get a hole in one!
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.