Donald Trump Jokes
Q: What is Trump?
A: An oversized oompa loompa.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
It's no surprise Donald Trump moved to Florida. That's where the oranges are.
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Donald: "If I lose this election, I will leave the country."
Joe: "Bi den"
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?
So he could trump that little bitch!
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
Donald Trump being president is the biggest joke.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"
"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"
If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.