Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two, but now it's just a sensitive subject.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.
Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
McDonald's and the Twin Towers are alike. McDonald's has a drive-through, and the Twin Towers had a fly-through.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
