Worst Jokes Ever
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
Mfs be saying Kobe is good at basketball cause he is 6 feet, ye 6 feet underground.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.
Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱
A man was taking a young child into the woods.
The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."
The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
I get more care packages than Africa.
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!