Kobe: stop doing dark humor!
Me:why they dont land well together ?
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested it's factuality-
Well it's been some good years now Haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together !
You:OMG I CANT BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER! The other person: Who? You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks
My wife is a optimist our first night together she handed me a magnum xl condom. I didn’t know what to do so I made her a balloon animal 🎈 🦒
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why KRIS and COMMON SENSE haven’t met yet
The twin towers were the best soilders ever. Stand together, FALL TOGETHER!
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo. They never got together at all.
Shorts go up,Pants go down Body to Body, Skin to Skin When its sniff, Stick it in It goes in dry and comes out wet And the longer its in the stronger it gets it comes out dripping and starts to sag
Its not what you think it is its a LIPTON TEA BAG
Get your mind together
When you think of the word simp, you think of a girl. Girl stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is ding dong. Put them together and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
*family are together playing charades*
Me: 50 Shades of Grey! Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on nan!
*text conversation boy: when you kiss someone you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime? girl: are you saying i'm fat?
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
a little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks " whats that" the little boy says that's my little red race car. 10 minutes later the boy looks down and ask's whats that,the little girl says "that's my little red race car garage. so later that night the boy ask's the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She say yes and they pull down there pants and the boy try's putting his little red race car in her garage but it won't fit down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up stairs flips on the lights and see's blood on the floor the mother ask's "what happened the little girl say's "we tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit so i cut the back wheels off"
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
"Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall.... All the kings horses and all the kings men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows
the cradle will rock when the bough breaks
the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall
and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
Haven´t posted in a few months. I will keep posting memes together with @#StayatHome every day :)
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.
