To-do jokes
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
I love making jokes about orphans!
What are they going to do, tell their parents?
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!
What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝
One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.
My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..
They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
You should bully orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?
Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
I smacked an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?
Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
Best way to do it.
I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.
Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”
Shame on you, Pessi!
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?
Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂