How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
You should bully orphans what are they going to do tell their parents.
Why didn’t the orphan play baseball?
Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they can’t run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
I smacked an orphan. what are they going to do tell their parents
Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?
Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2FChannel933sd%2Fphotos%2Fa.123852890990412%2F3283184785057191%2F%3Ftype%3D3&psig=AOvVaw3a0QTL4ocuGMs-w26p1ln7&ust=1652985525099000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAkQjRxqFwoTCLiBjojZ6fcCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAn
best way to do it
I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.
Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”
Shame on you, Pessi!
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?
Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?
Take a dump on her vagina!
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.
Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."
My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
