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This jokes

All real chemists know that alcohol is always a solution.

I did this chemistry joke yesterday, but I didn't get a reaction.

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

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    • A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

    The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

    The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

    The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

    She says, "Vinegar and water."

    I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.

    Here are some rules to make a good joke:

    1: Don't say “my life.”

    2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.

    3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).

    One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

    Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.

    Yes, this joke is stolen.

    So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

    Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

    Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

    What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?

    CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.

    Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank?

    You can beat an egg, but you can't beat...

    Why do orphans love having sex?

    Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."

    This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"

    The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.

    Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."

    Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."

    Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

    Me: But Billy's with her right now.

    Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

    Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

    A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.

    However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.

    So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.

    He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.

    The man replies, “No.”

    The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”

    The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”

    “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”

    “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”