Thing jokes
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.
And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.
And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.
Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" đ
What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.
What's the best thing about twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty-one of them.
Whatâs one thing that a gay person is scared of?
A gay guy thatâs straight!
"What's 9 + 10?"
"21" (lol XD)
Also:
"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)
One more thing:
Ninja has ligma.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I canât.
Girl: My parents arenât home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I donât have.
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!