They Jokes

What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?

A: They both come in a little behind.

Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't make a home run.

They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.

I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.

The meme shows a drawing of a group of people socializing, with a drawing of a bust of Socrates looking down on them from the upper left. The text reads "They don't know that they don't know."

French fries weren't originally cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until they see their parents.

Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?

'Cause they can't make it family friendly.

Q: How did the explorers get to school?

A: They rode the Colum-bus!

Bosses are like seagulls.

They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?

Because they like to EAT FLESH.

Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?

They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"