They jokes
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Why do orphans always go to church? Because that’s the only place they could call someone "father."
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.
Stop saying "cheetah cheater" jokes. They suck!
What's the best thing about midgets??
They don't need to bend while giving blowjobs.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"
Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.