They jokes
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.