The jokes
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he was a cow-herd!
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”
Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!
Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.
Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!
Sans: Yea bro.
Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.
Why do orphans always go to church? Because that’s the only place they could call someone "father."
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
If Canada had to apologise for Bryan Adams on several occasions, it's only fair that Americans are tortured and waterboarded for bringing Katy Perry and Carrie Underwood to the world!
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.
What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?
"Want me to pack your shit?"
Did you hear about the person who died? I would tell you about him, but he died.
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.