The jokes
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
Memes
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"Breathe... Breathe..."
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
The chicken wasn’t invented then.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side!
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The MOOOOvie theater.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”