The jokes

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?

The picture only takes one nail to hang.

The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.

Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

Gf: Just lying in bed.

Bf: Just lying in bed?

Gf: And eating cereal.

Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

Gf: Eat my cereal.

Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"

What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?

Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.

Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!

Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!

Why can’t the orphan play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?

Swimming trunks.

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

"Breathe... Breathe..."

Why did the T-Rex cross the road?

The chicken wasn’t invented then.

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

Why did the skunk cross the road?

To get to the odor side!

Where do cows go for entertainment?

The MOOOOvie theater.