The jokes
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
Why can the orphan only go to restaurants?
Because they can't have homemade meals.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.
That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
What do you call sex in the World Trade Center?
An inside job.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.
What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?
"I Truss-ted you!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.