The jokes

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."

Two cows were hiding.

One said: "Moooo."

The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"

My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.

As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.

It's a great way to pass the time.

So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite game? Jacks.

Why? He loved to play with the little balls.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?

W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.

*Later that day*

W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?

H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.

In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?

A baby with flat armbands!

What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.

Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.

Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.

My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?

He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.

Why do the orphans keep going back to the orphan home?

Because they got no home to go to, yeah, please like this and laugh because I got no one to read this.

Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.

Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?

How do you think Princess Diana died?

...Too soon?