The jokes

"Ching chong, drop the bomb!"

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t do drugs.

You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.

Where did Milky Way get its degree?

At the university.

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

The Middle Ages were called the dark ages because there were too many knights.

Why did the cat meow?

Because it's a cat, and they meow.

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To get to the other side (suicide).

Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flatmate.

Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?

Teacher: 203

Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?

Teacher: You can't.

Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?

Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.

The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?

Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.

Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.

Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?

Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?

Student: No, the alligators are at the party.

Sally dies anyway, how?

Teacher: She frowned?

Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

What did the Roman say to the gladiator?

See you later, gladiator.