The jokes
A lot of people claim that white privilege does not exist. Well, how the hell do you explain Michael Jackson not being charged for raping children, despite ample evidence?
Why did the twin towers complain to the pizza restaurant?... Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and got plain.
I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.
Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?
Me neither. It all came crashing down.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
Memes
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they eat the bat.
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...