The jokes

Ice cream truck drivers are the most sus people on earth. They’re adults who play children’s music and give ice cream to kids who approach their van.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Did you know that Uranus is as big as the moon?

There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...

The parents aren’t home.

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

What song do you think was playing at the school?

"Pumped Up Kicks"

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

My dad died in 9/11.

But he was the pilot.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.

Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was guilty of robbery?

He took a girl's innocence.

I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂