The jokes
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
Memes
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Why can't the Chinese play baseball? They ate all the bats.
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?
One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.