The jokes
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What is the difference between a microwave and a gay guy?
A microwave doesn’t brown your meat.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.