The jokes

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

What movie do orphans relate to the most?

Spider-Man: No Way Home

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

What do you call a Chinese man in the summer heat? Boi Ling.

We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!

What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.

Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.

It's in my basement.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"