The jokes
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
Who says white people can't jump?
Have you seen the 911 footage?
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
1 like = 1 kid in the bed with me.
Memes
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
What does the "f" stand for in orphan?
Family.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Why did the orphan eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come home with the milk.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”