The jokes

What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.

Lady: What did you do?

Man: I took a day off...

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.

I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."

I'm not racist, but the Ku Klux Klan look all the same to me.

Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

...just kidding-

- none. They can't change anything.

Why was the sun ☀️ mad at the clouds ☁️?

Because the clouds kept throwing shade.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.

Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀

British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎

What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.