The jokes

Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?

Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!

It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" the passenger said.

"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?

Because it’s a fungi.

Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...

What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?

I moustache you a question.

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?

My dick!

Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?

Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.

What do the Spanish people call child abuse? Pedrophile.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

There is a feminist group in my town.

It is called Gal-Qaeda.

(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)