The jokes
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?
My life is the joke.
what's the difference between apples and orphans? ... the apples get picked.
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
Memes
Why is the leaning tower of pizza leaning? 'Cuz it had better reflexes than the twin towers.
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.
Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”