The jokes
Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
How do you start a rave?
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.