The jokes

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.

Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?

A. The anti-Family Guy episode.

In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

Why does Michael Joseph Jackson love Boise?

Because of all the boys he'll see.

Here's a sex joke.

What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them.

Why does Michael Jackson like spaghetti? He likes the little meatballs.

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

What do you call a black man on the moon?

An astronaut, you fucking racist.

Why did the slave go to college?

To get his master's degree.

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.