The jokes
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
Memes
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael Jackson.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.