The jokes
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael Jackson.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"
The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂