The jokes

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?

The grass tickles their balls.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?

Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"

The happier they get, the less they see.

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.