The jokes

The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who's hanging around.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?

The grass tickles their balls.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

What's the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"

It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"

The happier they get, the less they see.

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.