The jokes
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
What did the hairline say to the hat?
"We go way back..."
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
Why was Stephen Hawking arrested? The police used computer GPS.
Hey, don’t Orpheus have friends because people do have family?
Memes
My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!
Q: What do you call a security guard at Samsung?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
What type of candy does the most magic?
Twix!
Guys talk to me is what the emo loner said, but seriously, talk to me.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
Yo mom is so fat when she went to sit on the couch it said, "To be continued."
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."
You so fat you got thrown out the window, but the window threw you back inside.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,
one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.
Why was the number 10 afraid?
Because it was with 9 and 11, and it makes 911.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just hacked the "chrime."
The bully: Your gay.
The nerd: You are.
The bully: Yeah.
The nerd: What, your gay?
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.