The jokes

An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.

Roses are red, violets are blue, at the end of the day, you're gay.

What's the difference between me and you?

Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-

Why did the terrorist not get paid, but they loved their job?

They di2s drying plans.

Why did the Twin Towers fall exactly at 9/11?

Because the terrorists thought that it would be fun to call 911 as a "prank."

I have a green ball in one hand and one in the other. What am I holding?

Shrek's dick.

What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with the terrorist.

My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.

The female ones are called "bitch."

The reason I love Stephen Hawking is because they roll off the tongue so nicely.

I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."

A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"

Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

Because his head is so high up in the air.

Your mom is so fat, she played bowling with the planets.

Have you heard of the work called "ligma balls?"

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

Yo Mamma's so ugly, she made One Direction turn into the other direction!

What kind of knickers is the best?

Windy knickers, because they're the best kind.