The jokes

What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?

The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.

Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.

Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!

The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!

Humans. We are the joke. Retards.

"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."

What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.

That one never gets old, just like the baby.

Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"

Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

What did the woman say to the man?

"Stop."

What did the man do?

Keep going.

FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE

Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.

Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":

"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."

Enough of the jokes. It's time Togo back home. (hah, I wanna cry.)

What did the orphan say to the house? Can I live here?

What did the rooster say to the hen? Goodbye.

This one butt cheek said to the other one, "It's really personal, but it's okay, I'll tell you." It said, "Hey, let's go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint, watch a movie, and go upstairs in the room and get down."

Yo mama is so fat, she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.

A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"

The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."

Your mom should show you your real home. The trash!

If death was an option for a look, you could be the first.

Addicted, what did the drug dealer say to the dopewhore?

"Damn whore, you're not that addicted when you spread your legs open for any man. No wonder weed is more addicted than yo ass." Lol

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"

That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!