The jokes
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
Memes
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
Me: Knock knock.
Some dude on the street: Who's there?
Me: Whowhowho.
Dude: Whowhowho who?
Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
Have you read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit and Probly Not?
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Have you ever heard of the eye tear?
Me either.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
"I love you, you too. I-eeeeeee was the night. Time is it when you you get a typical sleep night. Is oooooooo, is it a walk home was the night night and a tree is it?"
Hi 👋, was the day you?
I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Tennis because it's the only love they'll get.