The jokes
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
Who are the fastest readers?
911, they went through 110 stories in 8 seconds.
Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost the towers.
What did the Emo kid say to the other Emo kid?
Wait! Don’t leave me hangin’!
Memes
Antisocial
Did you hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?
Pretty nuts, huh?
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.
Why is the fanny flat? Because so it can flop about.
What do you call a chomo on the road? Roadkill.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Why are the twin towers sad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza and got a plane!
What is the sexiest animal alive? The Βυττerfly.
I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.
Your momma is so fat, when she got in the Pacific, she became the Pacific Ocean.
Your mama's so ugly, she got everything for free.
Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders on the car dashboard.
He had the curse of vanishing.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"