The jokes

One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.

It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.

A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!

Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.

Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.

What did the mincrater do when his Xbox turns off?

He raged! 😱

How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?

Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

What's the song that plays at the very end of the movie, Dr. Strangecow, during the montage of nuclear blasts?

"Veal meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."

For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.

Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

Because he had no BODY to go with!

How are the faster readers in the world?

9/11 victims, they read 80 stories in 10 seconds.

What did the expired butter do once it had expired?

It did an expire.

Why did the egg fall off the motorbike?

He was shite.

Teacher: Ok kids, time to go home.

The orphan: What is home?

Teacher: Here, I have somewhere for you.

*puts in trash can*

Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?

What did the airplane say to the tower? Allahu Akbar!

What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.

What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?

Snooze Dogg.

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?

For when he made it RAIN in the club.