The jokes
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
Did you hear about the new Chinese food?
It is called: “Wuhan Fried Bats”!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.
What is the one spray that can kill midgets? Bug spray.
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
Stop! Stop the orphan jokers!
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?
It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.
Yo mama so stupid.
When she was in mandarin class, she asked, "Where are the mandarins? I'm hungry."
What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?
The Monkees and Gorillaz.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.