The jokes
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
What part of a vegetable can’t you eat?
The wheelchair. 😑
Your hairline is so far back that it would be a 70 mile trip to the back.
Your hairline is so bad that the Teen Titans gave up.
Memes
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
What does Cinderella wear to the beach?
Glass slippers.
The terrorists got a killstreak of 2,996; they are popping off, bro.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
We need to stop with all the discrimination here! I don’t discriminate! I love all races, even the bad ones, I’m a fan of all genders, even the fake ones, and am a fan of all nationalities, even the alien kinds.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the stonks are high, and so are you.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
What makes Asians look like they're laughing at everyone? They're squinting before they hear the joke.
When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."
What thing can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
"I put the tin foil in the microwave, ma!"